Self Improvement with a Side of Self Compassion

We’re over one week into our New Year's resolutions, and some of us are already wildly off track. In my household, for example, we are recovering from a whirlwind combination of a sprained ankle, Covid, and pink eye, which means our “to do” lists are completely backed up and any loftier goals feel even further out of reach. Logically, I know health is most important and that the body knows best. So why is delaying my own imagined timeline so inherently frustrating then?

It’s multifaceted. American culture promotes an “all or nothing,” fast-paced, quick-fix lifestyle: holiday parties with booze and decadent desserts all December followed by a “dry January” in the gym. Where is the step-by-step middle ground or sick/mental health day factored into all of this? Its absence contributes to a sense of failure when we aren’t able to make progress toward or meet our personal goals right away, especially for those of us with high-achieving, perfectionist tendencies, who love to get things done (which includes myself and most people I support.)

The family building journey itself is a seemingly endless moving target of unknown variables starting with the trying-to-conceive process, navigating a complex medical system in hopes of having some semblance of an empowered birthing experience, finding affordable childcare, and then actually parenting and trying to keep the strong-willed little humans you’ve created safe. Keeping ourselves and our offspring healthy during cold and flu season is enough of a challenge, without the added pressure of reaching self actualization through more novel reading, language learning, or muscle building. Yes, striving for personal growth and excellence is important to motivate and anchor our trajectory, but allowing for dips in motivation, unpredictability in scheduling, and other inevitable setbacks should also be factored into our goal-setting timelines. Especially if you’re responsible for someone else’s well-being on top of your own. 

In art therapy, process is always emphasized over product; the journey vs. the destination. So let’s go easy on ourselves as we ease into 2024. We’ll get there.

Post by Sharon Itkoff Nacache ATR-BC LCAT LPAT PMH-C
Original photograph by Alessio Soggetti

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